those nonexistent beings

walk_forwards

from Why we Buy

image

It’s seems unfair that the only time he’s awake and relaxed, i’m not looking at him. 
Having spent the best part of the day crying, eating, defacating and, if i’m lucky, sleeping, he gets to come with me, shopping. 
What makes him so relaxed here in FairPrice?
Why are we so happy together at the PathMark?
What is it about the Safemartsuperchampionfields that allows him to look at me like that, as though forever, without wanting more than to occasionally pet the products I choose for the deep basket behind him?

I can’t look ahead my darling. I can’t look at you. My mind is elsewhere. I am choosing. If I do not do this, we will go hungry. I am hungry, and I know you are too, and it’s just a miracle that for once you’re not telling me so.
I have to thank whoever made this place for that miracle, but still, it seems unfair that we cannot face each other. 
We spend so much time together here.
Will you grow to know my profile best? 
When I imagine how you see me, it’s what I hope for, not what I know. I hope for you to see love in my eyes, coming at you, straight.
But you will grow to know me looking away, to the side, or beyond you, with my brow furrowed with issues of calculation and quality. You will see me reaching for objects more often than I reach for you. You will come to know, and I hope love, the way my eyes approach these other objects. As i push you, everything my eyes have scanned recedes into the distance. The vanishing point is always invisible for you, because i’m standing in front of it. 
You will grow tired of that, I know. But you’ll stay there because you are comfortable, because you love how I pass you the products. It’s all I can do to include you. You feel included, that’s how it works.

trolley kid

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